This is my life

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations.
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am me.
And if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
-Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy"
Via Theresa Marie.

This pretty much sums up my life right now. I couldn't have put it any better. Going through a very emotional and stressful time in life. Trying to balance my career with trying to have a personal life. So far work is kicking my butt and I don't have a personal life. Although I am emotionally not ready for a relationship and probably right now unable to with my time I would entertain the idea of one. I mean with the last few years of working to finish school and working I have left myself with little to no time to invest in myself or my personal life.

When I met her it all seemed like it would work out but nothing is as easy as it seems. Do I want more, will there be more and would it even work? Too many things to have to think about and worry about... just what I did not want. I broke too many of my routines, rules and habits for her. Not a good sign and now I just have to figure out what to do. Maybe i'm just letting the stress of life get to me.

New things a popn

Well with everything going on and with everything I been dealing with I had nothing really I looked forward to. Everyday same old routine. I mean yeah there were the occasional visits from my special friend but like all things that came to an end.

There were no feelings or emotions to tie into but that's a good thing sometimes. I mean yeah she had her secrets and I mine but who knows what will come of it with us parting ways as we did. To me right now maybe a good thing. As it has lead to something or should I say someone who in one week as turned my whole out look on life as it was presently.

My routines been broken, my life is out of the norm for my ocd lifestyle I have been living. I mean everything had to be the same and nothing couldn't be different and then all in one day all rules broken.

one week from now, one month or one year to me is so uncertain now. Last week I could have told you exactly what I would have been doing. Now I can't. I'm ok with that.

Kind of a great way to end my 20's and hopefully she is still around for when I start my 30's.

Working too much or not enough?

I been working a lot... but not as much as I did when I had 2 jobs. It is still a lot though. I mean how many people do you know that works 130+ hours in 2 weeks. Now you must be thinking that i'm making bank... but the truth is i'm a salaried employee so no over time for me.

What I think right now is, am I doing what I want to do? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Or for that matter, am I good at what I do and am I a good leader? Do my guys even respect me in the manner that I have in the past for my head chef?

There are so many things that run through my head and so many things I have to battle with and often I find myself thinking will I survive or just fail like the others?

I am lost right now...

"A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."

- William Arthur Ward (Via Hi Krista)

Right now I think I have things figured out. I mean I go to work, do my duties, finish and leave. I get things done, I make things work and I get all my bills paid at the end of the day. But is this what life is? Am I actually doing the right things and doing what I am supposed to do with an actual plan and action that is always going to work? Or am I just following a set plan that is more of a ritual?

I feel as if I have taken on more than I can handle with my new job. So many things that I have think about all at once and well I know that a lot of what is expected of me is due to my predecessors. It's like I got 50 more things to deal with and all I get is advice on how to do it with out the factor of the new equation put forth. Not only that with the handling of the operations of my previous positions still in affect with the addition of new things to deal with because of the growth. Work, work, work. It's all I have time for in my life now.

This now might have to be the lost blogs now... as now I am lost and will have to continue to search for what it is that I am looking for. Direction, life, balance and love.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

- Eleanor Roosevelt (Via Hi Krista)

I Need a Dollar (Remix)

Hot Sister, Hot Sauce....

dumbfoundead

Time passes so fast.

Dang the last post I had made was about my new knife I was looking for. So funny how that new knife has now become old news to me in a matter of months. Well so many new things ahead of me and I hope to be able to balance out all these things. The summer pool parties, new job position and the on going moshmello project.

I'm back on the gym program now and taking some new supplements hopefully my busy schedule won't keep me from staying on the plan. I haven't posted any new vids so here goes a few I been watching on repeat.



KTown Cowboys is something I stumbled on a couple days ago looks interesting I wish I could find more on it. Too busy to really look for more... wow funny I went to youtube to get the trailer and there was the first episode.

Quest for the perfect knife

Some people when making decisions will take a short time to finalize. I for one will have to obtain all the facts, data and everything else about it to make my final decision.

Right now, I am on a search for a knife. Not just any knife but the knife. This will be the one knife that will not just help me at work as a essential tool of my trade but also as a representation of my growth and graduation into a chef.

We can all have tools to get the job done but I think we all will have one defining moment that will significantly show that you are there and you own the position. This will be the symbol of me defining that moment and I hope that every time I get stuck in the rut or over my head in the weeds I can be reminded that in the short time I have been a chef that I got to where I am due to my attitude, persistence and ability to handle the situations with consistency.

So far my search has been going into 3 weeks as of now but I am sure I will be able to find something soon.

Another tough spot

So as of late I been pretty good but sometimes I have emotional and mental battles with my self. With all that is going on and everything I am trying to juggle sometimes it is just hard to have to deal with everything all at once.

The hurdles are getting higher and higher and the rewards seem to still be out of site but there is only one way to go and it is up. Hopefully by personal battles don't get the better of me and I can make it out a live.

Yesterday was just so just one of those tough days.

My new shirt

H&M

Something new to AZ but not new to everyone else... man AZ is way behind.
But seriously why do all the ad and what not for this place make all the guys shit look so gay? I mean shit it turns a lot of guys away from this place. H&M the poor man's Structure please step up your game for the non gay looking guys out there.

Learning Curve

Life's challenges test us and with responsibility comes more challenges. It's how we handles these situations that defines us as men and as adults. Come of us take this change well and some the challenges are a rough battle. I'm fortunate as to be challenged daily in life and although I do not always make the right decision or cope with the trails well I am learning and hopefully someday I will be able to take any challenge and walk out of it as calmly as I walked into it.

My friends who know me, work with me and hate me, please know that my interactions with you on a daily help me grow and become a stronger, faster, more successful person. Please keep on encouraging me, helping me, teaching me and hating me. You only make me stronger and wiser.

The hottest girl in the word!!

Chelsea Korka



She is gotta be the hottest girls right now. I'de say she is the new Kelly kapowski of 2010.

Chamillionaire Good Morning 2010

Well it is 2010 and I feel like I been lucky in life so far. Every time I have left a career or job and moved on to a new one it was at the perfect time. Always in time to train and get experience in the next and move up. Every step thus far has been in the right direction. With the economy effecting businesses with layoffs, closures and decreased hours and pay I moved on to bigger and better places.

This song just fits perfect...